ASK AUNTY JEE

ASK AUNTY JEE

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At times, we all need to talk about certain issues and problems that are affecting us. Whether we feel we have an embarrassing medical condition, trying to overcome an addiction or a relationship with our partner that is causing family commotion, Aunty Ji is here to advise you. Whether or not you take my advice on board, I will advise you as to the best of my knowledge and life experience. All letters sent in will remain totally anonymous and I will try to answer as many as I can. Aunty Jee is here for you!


Dear Aunty Jee, I have been reading your columns with great interest and I think your advice is awesome. This may sound trivial but it is a dilemma for me. I am 42 years old and live in Huddersfield. I have been married for 20 years and everything is perfect as me and my husband have four beautiful children. Lately, our marriage has lost the passion it once had. Obviously we cannot recreate the desire of yesteryear but as of late things just seem a little flat between my husband and myself. The dilemma, as I said, may sound trivial to you, is that I am considering colouring my hair. I currently have black hair and want to colour it to blonde. This is something that I have wanted to do all my life but I am afraid that my husband may not like it. My daughters are now 18 and 19 years old and they think it is a good idea. I want to surprise my husband but I am afraid it may backfire. Any thoughts? Anonymous female, 42, Huddersfield 4. November 2014

I understand your dilemma well and I applaud you for your desire to keep the passion alive in your marriage even after 20 years. Firstly, I would say that it is never too late to for passion in a marriage, even though it may not be that of a 20-Something year old, create new passions. I would say that if it is what you want to do, by all means. However, I would advise that you test the waters, maybe try for a blonde sombre look first? This way if you like the look you can then go full blonde, and you’ll give your husband less of a shock too!

Good luck!

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Dear Aunty Jee, I want to be a singer but my parents are not letting me pursue my passion. I am 23 years old and have always been into singing from a very young age. I come from an Asian family and they think it is not a very respectable profession to pursue and are afraid of what other family members may say. I am good at singing and taken part in many contests and believe I can be successful but I just need my parent’s blessing. I can sing Asian songs as well as pop and R&B and will continue to pursue my dream but it will not feel the same if I do it behind my parents back. My little sister is very supportive and she has tried to convince both my mother and father but they are still not having any of it. What do you recommend I do? Anonymous male, 23, Keighley 4. November 2014

It is clear to see that this is your passion, and no one can divert you away from that, nor should they. It is a difficult career to pursue and it has many obstacles.  I would say that you should sit down with your parents and explain to them why this means so much to you. I am sure they will understand beta. I do not think it is a matter of convincing, but more a matter of helping them understand. Maybe show them some of your songs and show them that you are good. I would also suggest that you speak to them about a backup plan, so they know that you have fully thought about all the possibilities and that you are prepared.

As always, good luck beta.

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Dear Aunty Jee, Hi there Aunty. I hope you are well and I am really enjoying reading your column every month. I have a problem and want your advice. I am 19 years old and have a twin sister. We are very close and have a very good network of friends in Bingley. Lately, we have been going out on Saturday nights around Bingley and enjoying ourselves. My sister has been seeing a lad for a few months now and he also comes out with us on the weekend. They seemed close at first but last weekend her boyfriend told me that he likes me instead. I have to confess that I also like him but never said anything in the pat as it would upset my sister. It’s come to a point where he is continuously flirting with me and I think my sister is beginning to suspect something. I don’t want to upset my sister but at the same time I also like the boy. Any suggestions? Anonymous female, 19, Bingley 4. November 2014

Beti, my advice is this. You do not want to ruin your relationship with your sister over this guy.

If I was you, I would sit down with my sister and explain what has been said to you. It is unfair to your sister that this is being hidden from her. It is your job to protect your sister from people like this, and I understand that you have feelings for this boy, but would you want to sabotage your relationship with your twin over this?

I really do hope that you do the right thing beti.

Good luck.

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Dear Aunty Jee, I am 22 and live in Blackburn but originally from Bradford. Two years ago I married a man from Blackburn. We had been seeing each other for a few years as I met him at University. It was love at first sight as he was gentle, caring and we planned how we would spend the rest of our lives together. As he was from a different caste, there were initial problems getting married but we overcame them once our families understood and tied the knot in 2012. For the first few months everything was perfect but slowly I noticed a change in him. He started snapping at me and stopped taking me out. He has a sister he is very close to as well as a mother who he always listens to. His sister does not like me and I feel together with his mother they are both plotting against me and turning him against me. His mother was not happy with the marriage and I feel she is now getting her revenge. What should I do? From Anonymous Female, Blackburn, Age 22 8. October 2014

My honest advice would be to keep training, and slowly let your dad know how much this means to you, and how big this dream is. It is clear to see that this is your passion, and no one can tell you to let go of your passion. Not only that, but no one can make you marry against your will.

Keep studying and show your father that you can train and study. Hopefully he will begin to understand that you will do anything to achieve your dreams betah.

Stay strong, and keep trying your very hardest.

Aunty Jee

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Dear Aunty Ji, I live in the Lidget Green area of Bradford and I am 18 years old. I am a huge fan of Amir Khan and have always dreamt of becoming a boxer. I am a regular at the gym and my friends tell me that I am good at boxing. I desperately want to purse it as a career but my father is having none of it. I have started University and will complete my studies but there is no reason why I can’t train in my spare time. If my father finds out that I am still training he said he will get me married off this year. I have the talent but I need my dad to see it and let me carry on. Do you have any suggestions? From Anonymous Male, Bradford, Age 18 8. October 2014

Beti, It will be difficult, if not impossible to confirm your suspicions, so do not tell him about those. However, instead slowly try and let your husband know that the change in his behaviour is upsetting you. Tell him gently, so he doesn’t feel like he is being attacked.

If possible, take him out for a meal, or a movie. Let him know how much you love him, and how much his change has upset you. Try to remind him why you faced those initial problems, and why you overcame them together to get married.

Combat those suspicions, and don’t let them affect your feelings and your attitude towards your husband. If his family are trying to turn him against you, remind him why he is with you.

Aunty Jee

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