Aunty Anne… I have a problem

Aunty Anne… I have a problem

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Dear Aunty,

I am 29 with three kids, two of whom have special needs and are a handful. The other is a baby. I have been with their dad for 7 years. In this time he has slept with numerous women and been living constantly with the mother of his older children. I can see most of the time that he doesn’t love me but after all this time I am finding it hard to break free and move on, thinking that if I do, I may lose my chance of love. In reality I know nobody else will want me. My mum died alone from breast cancer and I am terrified the same thing will happen to me, so I cling onto a relationship that I know I have already wasted too much time on. Please answer this and tell me what to do. I so want to move on but I don’t seem to be able to end it once and for all. Thank you

Anonymous female, Batley

Dear anonymous female,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, but no one should be made to suffer through a marriage in which they are made second to everything else. I think that you should firstly speak to your husband, tell him you know what he had been doing and tell him how you are feeling. Of course it is hard to let go, you’ve been with this man for 7 years, but if he is not treating you as you should be treated then what is there left?

I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.

Dear Aunty,

My family and friends have recently discovered that I am bulimic. My mum took me to see my doctor, who has referred me to a counsellor. My mum wants to be present at these sessions as she feels my bulimia is her fault, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with her, let alone in front of her. I don’t want her to know the reasons why I do it. I have pushed myself away from my friends and have no one to talk to, and due to my extreme mood changes I have attempted suicide several times. I don’t have the worst life, but I just don’t know how to sort things out. Help me please?

Anonymous female, Leeds

Dear anonymous female,

Dealing with an eating disorder on your own is a very difficult thing, so it is good that you are getting help for this. I think it would be best if you sit your mum down and explain to her that this isn’t her fault and that you would feel better talking to the counsellor on your own I’m sure she will understand. If you have to, you can explain to the counsellor that you would prefer to speak to them alone. It is good that you are getting help for this, and I really hope that these sessions help you.

Dear Aunty,

I’ve been in love with my friend for four years now. If you think that’s bad, there’s more to come: I’m gay and he’s straight! He was aware of the situation years ago and was really understanding and he only asked that I wouldn’t tell anyone else of my feelings. Our friendship has grown since we met over 8 years ago and so have my feelings. I am now at a point where I feel miserable and depressed every time he gets a new girlfriend or sees others friends and not me. But then when I’m with him, below the surface level happiness I still have this dull heartache which cripples me when we part. For years I’ve beaten myself up about the feelings because of just how pathetic I must look to my friends that know about my feelings and because I’m scared I might lose him as a friend somehow and be left heart-broken, and mostly because I know how ridiculous it is that I think or wish he might feel the same. I am sick of feeling sad and lonely when I think about him but don’t want to lose my feelings in case miraculously he might feel the same! How do I make the feelings stop? Please help me, Anne, because I’m at breaking point. Or am I beyond help? Many thanks

Anonymous male, Bradford

Dear Anonymous male,

You are certainly not beyond help. Firstly it is amazing that you have such a great friendship with him. I can imagine how difficult it is to have feelings for your friend, and quite simply, as hard as it is, you can’t make the feelings go away. That’s the thing about feelings they have a funny way of clinging on. However, I will tell you this, you will find someone that you can love just as much if not more. Enjoy your friendship with this man. Clearly he values you as a huge part of his life. I know how difficult it is, but just keep going. Something good will come.

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